Refined Through the Flames

It’s been awhile since I wrote a blog. I’ve wanted to write one for months now. Since it’s finally spring break, I have a little time to breathe and fill you in on what’s been going on. This semester has been quite a long one but I am finally starting to find the beauty of it all in the grace that God has been giving me. I find that my life this semester has been a reflection of the lyrics of a song called Desert Song by Hillsong United.

Keep the fire burning

The first verse goes like this:

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

Over winter break I was in a dry season in my walk with Christ. When I went back home for a month I became very lazy. I was just at home and got so comfortable that life just became whatever to me. The days ran together, and I stayed up late and slept nearly half the days away. Through this I have become very fearful of moving back in with my parents. I simply fear that when I get too comfortable and have no responsibilities I will lose discipline and my relationship with God is in turn affected.

Clearwater Beach, Florida

Despite my fear and laziness God has taught me something: Our life with Christ should not have limits based upon where we live. God is everywhere, so why do we act like he’s not when we go somewhere else? I have had many conflictions over where I will live in the fall and I’ve come to the point where it doesn’t matter anymore. There are pros and cons to living at home or living on campus but regardless of that God stays the same. Whether we are in the desert or living abundantly with Him, we must not limit God to a certain location. That is the beautiful thing about prayer. We have complete and total access to the God of the universe through Christ and we can pray anywhere! Prayer should not be something we do at formal events or over dinner. Prayer should be like breathing. It is amazing that even when we don’t know what to pray for Christ intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express! (Romans 8:26) We should be bathing everything in prayer and pray relentlessly without ceasing. And when we pray, let it not be about the act of prayer itself to say we did it, but the heart behind the matter.

“…You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” – James 4:2-3  

With Amanda on my 19th Birthday

The second verse of Desert Song was the month of February for me:

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

Life is full of mountains, valleys, and everything in between. The weekend of my birthday in the end of January just happened to be one of those great mountain top times for me. For my birthday I went with some awesome friends to Abide for a weekend of prayer down in Austin. When the semester started I was in a desert and after just spending time with the Lord and laying everything at his feet I finally felt His presence in my life again. I had simply ignored Him for a month and prayer reconciled me to Him. Although I was on a mountain top I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Usually I come down off of it very slowly, however this time I just fell into the valley instantly. It started when I fell literally, at the beginning of February. I was walking on campus out of a building I had never been in before and I simply fell out of the door because there was about 2 ft. that stood between the building and the sidewalk. All of that resulted in a sprained ankle which included wearing a splint and using crutches for a week. Plus, I missed three days of class. I have never been so thankful for legs until I temporarily lost the ability to walk.

Generally, I consider myself a very independent person. However, the Lord humbled my heart a lot when I had no choice but to allow other people to help me. I struggle with receiving grace, help from people, and just blessings in general. I’m always the one who has to do something for you. I’m always the one who doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone. It was hard to accept the fact that I needed help doing life for a week but God used that to teach me humility and how to receive all that he blesses me with. Praise God for friends that are willing to move all of your stuff out of one dorm to another. Lately I’ve just been realizing how much God blesses us in all the small things in life. I tend to take a lot of it for granted but God has blessed me so much! I have a place to live, food, the ability to walk, people that love me for who I am, and so much more. God has blessed me abundantly and I praise Him for that.

Through the entire month of February my faith was tested, refined, and proven genuine. Between the ankle, moving, getting really behind in school, and dealing with spiritual warfare, my faith and hope in Christ was the only thing that carried me through it all:

"All is lost, find him there, find him there / After night, Dawn is there, Dawn is there / After all falls apart, he repairs he repairs

Oh the Glory of it all is he came here for the rescue of us all that we may live / for the glory of it all / oh he is here for redemption from the fall, that we may live / for the glory of it all, oh the glory of it all"

-      From “Oh the Glory of it All” – David Crowder Band

I praise God for these trials because they bring about perseverance. Despite the struggle, everything made me all that much more dependent on God.

“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:4

Through all of it I have also been reminded of what God truly desires within each of us. He does not need, nor want anything we have to physically offer him. He wants our hearts. He wants a broken spirit and a contrite heart. Sometimes it is hard to see and understand that when we are on a mountain top. When God humbles us it allows us to see His strength and glory in our weakness. It took all of the weight of failure and pain to bring me back to this point of humility. As a result of everything, Psalm 51 has become one of my favorite psalms in the Bible. A few of my favorite verses:

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions…

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow…

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew in me a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast from me your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore in me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me…

The sacrifices of our God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise…” – Psalm 51: 1, 7, 10-12, 17

It’s really cool how God’s word spurs you on to love Him more. I read through Leviticus this month which people have told me is dreadful and boring. Yes, Leviticus is a book of Old Testament laws and it can seem like it’s just a big list of things that don’t matter anymore, but it’s so much bigger than that. When I think about how specific everything had to be in order to meet with God I praise him all the more that I can freely commune with Him through Jesus.

“How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!” – Hebrews 9:14

Flowers :)

Everyone in the Old Testament had to go through a priest and certain requirements had to be met in order to meet with God or else you would probably die. God doesn’t really need an animal when you think about it so how does it relate to today? It relates because God wanted the best of the best animals that a person had for sacrifice. It’s not the fact that they followed the rules; it’s the fact that they brought Him sacrifices from their hearts. It’s so great that we don’t have to go through all of that and we are blessed to have Christ as our lamb without defect or blemish. Christ is our scapegoat and the Day of Atonement parallels the cross that Jesus took for our escape from sin and eternal condemnation. All of this is just a little of what Leviticus taught me. When you look at the book as a whole and compare it to Christ, it is amazing and it makes you appreciate it a lot. Not to mention the fact that God included all those specific requirements and it reminds me that God cares about the details in our lives, no matter how big or small.

So all of the Leviticus stuff was a side note to what God has been teaching me this semester. Finally, I will share the third verse of Desert Song:

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

He lifts us up on wings like eagles

I have noticed that the closer I get to Christ and the more I persevere in this race I am running for Him, the battle becomes fiercer. I had some spiritual warfare which was mainly doubt and falling for the lies of the enemy for some time in February. Although it’s been hard, I expect it to come. I must be doing something right if satan is trying to work against me. Also, I realize that with leadership comes a greater attack. As we rise up in the faith and are sanctified as Jesus’ disciples, the enemy strikes harder. He comes at a settle pace at first and then waits till your weakest moment to strike. Yet, it is when we are at our weakest moments that God is usually strongest in us. It is when we come to that breaking point and realize that we cannot do anything without Christ that his power is made very evident in our lives.

In order to fight the good fight we must remain in Him always. Jesus has called us to be a light in a world of darkness. He has given us a commission which is impossible by human standards. There is nothing we can do ourselves to save the lost. It has to be God’s spirit within us that does the work. So instead of praying that God would teach us how to love, or teach us how to evangelize, we should pray that Christ Himself would invade our hearts, minds, and lives. It is only by his grace that lives are changed. We are just the vessels that God has chosen to use.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:5

 In order to truly fulfill the great commission Christ has called us to we must continue to seek Him first and foremost. It must be a lifestyle, not just church on Sundays, or a weekly Bible study. Living with Christ needs to be an everyday thing. Discipline can be hard, but I always pray that God would give us desire to seek Him rather than other things in this world. Also, this goes back to Leviticus. Just as the priests made daily sacrifices for sin, we must also die to ourselves daily and add to our time with God so that we may fully know Him.

“The fire on the altar must be kept burning; it must not go out. Every morning the priest is to add firewood and arrange the burnt offering on the fire and burn the fat of the fellowship offerings on it. The fire must be kept burning on the altar continuously; it must not go out.” – Leviticus 6:12-13

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” – Luke 9:23

So through all of this I have been talking about, one main conclusion can be drawn. It is simply, God is enough. I have always known that in theory but this semester I have truly been experiencing and understanding that through everything that God allowed for in my life. I am so thankful for where he has placed me and everyone that he has blessed me with to live life with.

If you have made it this far I congratulate you on actually reading all of this. It’s been a long semester, I had a lot to say, and I love talking. And that’s just the highlights of it all. So if you actually read all of this, leave me a comment. It’s cool to see who actually reads these kinds of things.

Yay Union Day!

On another note, I am very happy and excited that it is finally spring break!! I am going to Houston with the BSM to partner with the U of H BSM and do outreach on their campus for the week. This is my first mission trip, so I’m excited to see how God continues to move in my heart and the hearts of others! If you read this, I would appreciate/love it if you would pray for me, the team I’m headed with, and the U of H campus itself this week. Hope everyone had/has a great spring break!!

- Chelsea